Fare Thee Well

Today we are packing up to leave Denver. We have enjoyed time with our friends and are thankful for the support we have received from family and friends while we have been here.

Leaving is bittersweet.
We welcome the chance to sleep in our own beds and get back into our normal rhythm, but at the same time we will be coming home to a loss. After much thought and prayer we have decided that we will be coming home without Tink.

These past 2 weeks have been wonderful for Rick and I to establish understandings about ourselves, our marriage and our lives as Foster Parents. We have worked hard with Tink, and worked hard to examine our parenting styles, ideas, and dreams about this job we call "Parenting."

But, there is disappointment in parenting. Sometimes the kids, no matter how they come into our hearts, don't do what we hope. Sometimes it is a little thing like yet again yelling at a sibling or not playing with the new kid at school, and some times it is a really big crossing-the-line-in-the-sand thing. As parents we have to be intentional to remember not only that we set the limits and kids make the choice to respect them or not, but also that kids choose their actions and we set the consequences. And this is one of those times... Although Tink has said a million things we wish were true, she has made choices through her actions that we can't deny. She has the right to make choices - we have the responsibility to set the consequences.

Naturally this is the point in which, me being me, I start working too hard. I start wondering if I have done my job making sure she had been taught the expectation, taught the consequence, taught the correlation, and that she understood the nuances of her decision.

Not this time. I know she knows. She is very bright.

It has been heartbreaking to come to the realization that she is forcing our relationship to change. This time there will be no bedroom saved for her, no box in the garage with her things. This will be the first time in over 3 years that I won't be signing my name to "call first in case of an emergency," or putting our address as "home."

But I am resolved. Her prognosis and diagnosis changed, literally, overnight. Unfortunately none of us at home would have seen this for what it is. Fortunately we were here going through this process in Evergreen so we won't continue to live in chaos not knowing how to help her. Now we know - without a doubt - that she won't be successful in a family. - Any family ... She is just THAT hurt, and doesn't know how to trust people THAT much.

So, we are sending her off with guarded hope that, in learning that we will not let her cross the line, she'll work herself out of this entrapment she created. And we hope some day (months, or even years from now) she is able to re-enter our lives in a healthy way.

So, until then Tink.... Fare Thee Well, my dear. We love you.